changing teams

According to a Yahoo personals, this person is a match for me. Needless to say, I have just become a lesbian.

Man Panties

This is Riley, my roommates dog. Riley seems to have a pee problem so tonight I was given witness to his "man panties". These consist of a sanitary pad ( and no, I don't like talking about this either) and a piece of fabric with velcro that keeps it on him. I shit you not.

maybe tomorrow...

Seriously folks, the wedding invitations will be printed any day. I am just waiting for him to know i exist


.

If I want to be shit on, I'll do German porn

Is it so bad to want to be left alone?

I wrote a post here earlier that i have since decided is not for public consumption. It was frustration and depression speaking and when it comes down to it, no one wants to hear that stuff. Well, no one except a therapist and they get paid.

if the cat can, why can't i?

Samuel L. Jackson ..the "L" stands for motherfucker

Sugar Gliders and other things seen on a Thursday night...

My roommate is watching the neighbors sugar gliders while they are out of town. What are those you may ask. I had never heard of them so I went with her to check them out. Turns out they a freaking flying rats. I don't like things coming towards me quickly and one of these flying furballs scared the the bejesus out of me when it almost jumped on my head. Even stranger is the way they scurry along the floor. It's not walking, it's small jumpy movements. I eventually let one make its way up my arm and if sniffed at my new tattoo as if passing judgement. I am not sure why anyone would want to own these but I say stick to dogs and cats. Which reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw today that said "so many cats, so few recipes".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sugar_Glider

So, a drink was needed after this encounter and we headed to Sullivans. Having been gone for 10 years, everything in Austin is new to me. Sullivan's is a expensive steak house but on Thursdays and Sundays at the bar area they have $5 martinis and a limited array of entrees for $5 also. Hating gin, I had a Blue Moon. Though it turns out a lot martinis are made without gin these day. Who knew. I got a kick out of the place because they had a jazz band and the bar itself was dark wood and looked like a classic classy New York bar. Plus the waitress had on some bitching stockings.

Next we went to Fado, and Irish bar I have gone to once before. Can't say it was too exciting, though they are showing the futball (soccer) games this week.

We ended up at Speakeasy. A local band was playing called Mothers Anthem. The bass player was hot hot hot. Good thing he was taken cos him being 25 years old may not have stopped me.
It was the best place we went all night but I felt older than Jesus.
If you have not gone upstairs to the Rooftop at Speakeasys.....GO GO GO. It is the most amazing view of Austin. I am scared of heights but for some reason, being on top of tall buildings makes me happy.

I think it is time for sleep.

calls from people out on a weekend pass

Me: McDonald's Office
Customer: When are you going to be serving tomatoes again? I am sick of going to Dan's hamburgers.
Me: Let me ask. We should be serving withing the next few days. It all depends on deliveries.
Customer: I don't want to tell you how to run your buiness but you should have been prepared for this.
Me: Well Sir, I don't think anyone prepares for salmonella.
Customer: It's not salmonella, it's cancer, i've done the reserch.
Me: Silence
Customer: You should have tomotoes by now.
Me: Sir, this is a main office, every McDonald's is going to be different on when they receive their deliveries. You would have to check with your local McDonalds.
Customer: You should know when they are coming. With gas prices the way they are, I am not going unless they have tomotoes. You are going to lose my business.
Me: I will pass along your concerns.
Customer: You need to get tomatoes!!!!

men seldom make passes at girls that wear glasses

an email i got today:

Ill be honest with you.I think those glasses are a real turn on,Heres why,Im a great guy,a bit on the adventurous side,and I check out the net quite often.Ive run across some pics of guys cuming all over a womens glasses upon ejaculation.when i looked at your pics,I said self,wouldnt she look great with cum all over her glasses.So I just thought I would share that with you and offer you the chance to enjoy globs of cum all over your pretty face and glasses,just a thought,write back,be well,------------

you and jesus go out to dinner.....

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
usually i would go dutch, but i work part time so this one will have to be on jesus

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias; who is it?
jesus

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently.
arkansas has to go...i don't even like driving there and they have the single worst mcdonalds i have ever been to...

4. You wake up as the opposite gender - what's the one thing you want to try?
easy...jerking off

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
han...not even a question

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
i don't remember my childhood

7. What's something that you've done that most people haven't?
I ONCE JUMPED OFF A 60 FOOT CLIFF INTO A RIVER, WHICH WAS DOPE, BUT I HIT SO HARD THAT IT TORE MY PANTS IN HALF AND I WALKED BACK TO THE CAMP HOLDING THE 2 HALVES UP LIKE A SKIRT....ok..that was my friend lee's answer....i also was there and jumped off that cliff...kept my clothes intact but forgot to put my arms to my side....i was covered in bruises and someone had to come rescue my sorry ass

8. whats your horo?
what?

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
the ring...or some porn

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
I love you

11. what is your drink (alcoholic)?
blue moon, rum and coke

12. Ever performed CPR on a live person?
no...

13. Before you die, you want to...? perform CPR on myself

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably wont ever be able to do?
have children

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
koala bear

16. A drug you'll never try?
oxycontin

17. If you were an animal what would you be?
a koala bear on oxycontin

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be?
once again, i really don't remember much about my childhood

19. What's something most people don't know about you?
I have a half sister I have never met


20. First celebrity crush?
the guy who played Starbuck on Battlestar Galatica

21. What was your favorite thing to do as a child?
runaway

23. Favorite breakfast bread style?
brioche

24. Favorite Laundry Detergent?
the cheap shit

25. Worst way to die?
has to be fire

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
i saw a pic (when i worked at the medical library) of a guy with a javelin through his balls...that had to have sucked

27. The worst injury you've ever had?
got hit in the face...bone under my eyes was fractured...face was swollen for a month and 2 black eyes

28. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
pie

29. Sport you hate the most?
baseball

30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
Chicago

31. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)?
cotton candy....stay away from alligator on a stick

32. Weirdest eBay purchase?
human cadaver

33. Favorite food to eat when you're drunk?
taco cabana ...french fries

34. Favorite cereal?
honeycomb, fruity pebbles

35. What's craziest thing you've done in the past month?
its a secret


36. What do you usually bring to bbq's?
beer

37. Ever been hit on and didnt realize it?
doubt it

38. Recently?
recently what?

39. Are you some sort of retard?
yes...thank you for noticing

40. Doing anything this weekend?
going out with Harry's wife, shopping for a wedding dress (not for me), a lunch date

bloody zombies!!!!

If you know whats good for ya, check out this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOmNzVGJBlg

ich sehe den schmerz in deinem gesicht

Both of these are things I wrote a while back but still apply.

1)i'm having major sleep problems.
it can be chalked up to lots of reason, all that need time to be worked on...
but its really starting to take its toll
i go to sleep for an hour and half, wake up for one, back to sleep for 2
everynight is a varation on this....and i am taking ambien!
my back is killing me from the tossing and turning.
i need a massage. i need to clear my mind.
omg, someone is fixing steak on TV. i want one.

2)Well, I’ve been talking to someone lately about the fact that i can’t sleep. I’ve had sleep problems most of my life. I can’t fall asleep is usually the biggest problem...but also that i can’t stay asleep, i fall asleep for 2 hours and stay up for six and sleep for 2 more, every sound wakes me up, i am light and temperature sensitive,i can’t get comfortable, i toss and turn, etc..so many variations on this. This is not to say I don’t sleep, i do, in fact there are times when i can not wake up.
The point being that my sleep is fucked up and that i now can not sleep without the aid of sleeping pills.
Even this stupid blog is not putting me to sleep...

I just realized.....

that today is my ex-husband's b-day

that i have lived in 4 different places in the past year

that i want a cat or dog but can't even take care of myself

that i should not have called him

that i will be 40 soon

that i act like i am 25

that i am so tired that i fell asleep for a few minutes while writing this

that this is is not the day my life will surely change